A LAST WORD
By Harry Berndt E. Berndt
As one ages there is an inevitable decline in abilities, but is there also a possible concurrent improvement in one’s insights? When short term memory declines, long term memory sometimes improves. Long term memory improvement is not because short term memory seems to be diminished, but rather because both occur more or less simultaneously as part of the aging process; short term memory because of declining ability and long term memory because of nostalgia, a longing to understand the currents of one’s life. An understanding of History, in this case the history of one’s life, provides insights not available to those who depend on the immediate: who depend on short term memory for insights into the verities of life. Older adults are often considered conservative, but they are not necessarily conservative relative to politics or economics; it has more to do with being conservative relative to societal norms and social issues.
As a young person living in a rather small industrial town in Western Pennsylvania, I and all the people I knew had never knowingly met or knew a person now referred to as Gay. The word had yet to be invented, and what was termed homosexuality, or vulgarly referred to as queer, was considered as sexually deviant and laws existed criminalizing such behavior. For the most part, we never discussed or thought about the existence of people living that particular life style. It should not be difficult to understand why people born in the 1920s or 1930s find the idea of same sex marriage untenable. Of course, that is not to say that the more cosmopolitan sophisticates among us were unaware or even unaccepting of the gay life style, but for the majority of small town residents the subject was never broached.
People born after WW II are more likely to better understand society’s changing mores and better able to accept the Gay life style and same sex marriage. Those of us of an older cohort find it more difficult, but most are coming to accept the inevitable, especially those of us considered to be socially liberal. Social conservatives hold to the one man/one woman sexual and marriage position, often basing that position on religious belief.
Once same sex marriage is established and accepted by society the rules and definition of what is meant by marriage will become the issue. Is marriage all about sex and should the saying or song go “Sex and Marriage” rather than “Love and Marriage”? Actually humans, and I suspect most other species as well, are sexual from birth to death. Also, we love all of our lives, which is not necessarily related to sexuality. In either case, it is the mode that is particular to each of us and to each other. Whether one’s sexuality or love is directed toward the same gendered person or that of the opposite is not to be questioned. Then the real question becomes what is meant by marriage. Is marriage about love, sex, both or neither? If one looks to the history of marriage it becomes evident that historically marriage was about contracts. It is still the most prevalent element involving marriage and family. In many, if not most, parts of the world arranged marriages are now and have always been the dominant mode. Contracts are commitments, and the contract of marriage is that of commitment. The phrase “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse unto death do us part” means commitment in the face of all obstacles. It would certainly seem that Gay couples are as capable of fulfilling that commitment as are heterosexual couples. The real problems confronting marriage today, especially in those countries referred to as being in the West Orbit rather than that of the East or Middle East, are not about same sex or heterosexual; they are much more about commitment and stability.